Naked

by H. E. Casson
(CW: Gender dysphoria, anxiety)

I stumbled across a poem I wrote a full two decades before I was open about the queerness of my gender. I sometimes feel like I was leaving myself breadcrumbs so that when I finally realized how lost I was, I’d be able to find my way home. This is one of those breadcrumbs.

For folks using text readers:

The clothes, they feel wrong
But the fault’s in the wearer
In terror of being
Exactly myself
With the clothes
That I chose
From the piles on my shelf
I’m pretending I’m someone I’m not
Someone else
Someone normal
And happily lost in the crowd
When I’m lost in this shroud
In this lie
Over-false
Truer walls around feelings
That don’t match my pulse

And I’ve twisted around
From the me I should be
That even my clothes
Have rebelled against me

Saying, “There are some things
That we have to discuss.
For we’d rather you naked,
Than fake it,
With us.”

Shared on Twitter in 2020
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I ate a thin girl for breakfast today

by H. E. Casson
(CW: Eating disorder, gender dysphoria, body discomfort)

I ate a thin girl for breakfast today
I heard her bones crackle as they gave way
I watched my belly grow in size
I saw the fat distending my thighs
She tasted like two-day-old gristly chicken
I thought, as my arms touched my sides as they thickened

I ate a skinny girl for lunch
I heard her crunch

I ate a slender girl for dinner
She didn’t even flinch
She swallowed the air until she was thinner
Counted every inch

I ate a thin girl for breakfast today
(I used to be like you, I grinned)
In keeping my promise
I fed her a steak
Then carefully shovelled her in

I ate a thin girl last night as a snack
I was a thin girl and I’m not going back

Published in the Meat issue of (Ex)cite (2001).
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.