In memory of the ersatz father figure I visited on Friday nights, here's my most rejected poem. Enjoy.

Dear Danny Tanner,

I know that this is sad
but will you be my dad?

I could be so bright and keen
almost like a normal teen
hang with bleach and Mr. Clean

I could press your fancy shirts
learn how starch and cling-spray works
label all my linen drawers
help you with your Sunday chores
live with you on
all
four
floors

I could help you
(oh so gently)
leave the closet
I’m intently
leaning closer for a word
that says you’ve heard my prayer
I promise I’ll be there

Forever
(just like Jesse said)
you’ll make me jam on whole wheat bread
we’ll read The Body Politic
and buy me binders and lipstick
I’ll help you choose your hottest pic
and write your dating ad

yeah

I know that this is sad
but will you be my dad?

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